Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds
I was cuddling with my daughter this morning and this thought occurred to me…
If I died tomorrow, my daughter would have hundreds of videos of me to watch, to know the kinds of values I held and how I advocated for them in the world.
But if I died tomorrow, would she remember all the times I gave her my back while doing my workshops and speeches, all the times I asked her to wait 5 minutes til I was done?
Or would she remember all the times I did online sessions with her sitting on my lap or across the room from me, occasionally contributing to the meeting (she would find herself there, and as she got older, she would give consent)?
I hope she would remember how I made plans with her for playtime between my meetings and how much fun we had playing ball at home, or rolling around, or dancing.
I hope she would remember when I asked her to help me pick a scarf before a keynote or how she helped me pick the rings I would wear before my OpenEd keynote.
I hope she would remember that I tried to schedule playdates and time with her grandmas so she wouldn’t feel bored or lonely on days I had to be focused on work.
And I hope she will remember that I held her in my arms every night and cuddled with her every morning, even if sometimes I had to be answering emails or Twitter or WhatsApp in between cuddles 🙈
If I died tomorrow, would I regret the way I organized my time in these years of her life? Would she understand? Would she understand that doing this work fulfills my soul and my sense of purpose so that I can be a better mom for her? Would she believe me if society convinced her that this is not what good mothering is supposed to be? What kind of woman or mom would she grow up to be?
Absolutely love this reflection! Thanks Maha! ❤️
You words bring me comfort in solidarity, and also so much sorrow, because I wonder similarly about my own (4 and 6 yrs). I hope they understand. This is such a strange time for all of us, especially our children. Thank you for being open. ♥️
Thanks Alexandra! 💕
Thank u for reading and responding 💕
I often wonder a lot about this. Beautiful.
Brought tears to my eyes. So touching and so true. I definitely felt that when my kids were still in grade school and even now that they’re in their teens. ❤️❤️
You’re making me cry over here this morning, Maha. Thank you for this beautiful reflection. I can vividly remember being sad that my Mom wouldn’t play with me as a child. And I don’t have a very clear memory of a lot of my childhood. However…
So poetic. Love it. Thanks!
I love this post!
Thanks Claudia, it felt poetic in my heart and head.. I am glad it felt that way to you, too, as you read it, even though I didn’t format it as a poem. ❤
Thanks for this, Bonni 💕
My mom wasn’t as busy as I am (but she had to spend night at the hospital while on duty) and was v attentive but didn’t “play” with me. I’m less attentive but more playful/creative w mine. Thanks for sharing ur story.
Somethings make me weep, like this blog….❤️
Beautiful reflection, Maha. There are so many ways of being a “good Mom” and our daughters will know and remember all those ways.
💕 how is ur little one?
I wish I had a sister to be an aunt like you to my daughter 💕
I was one of those ppl to my cousin’s kids until I had my own
such a touching reflection… And steeped in care. <3
Thank you for reading and responding 💕
Now I get to experience the gift my Mom have me through those experiences on a regular basis. I literally never get bored because she taught me how to cultivate opportunities to play and learn on my own terms. Not requiring anyone else to do that for me.
That’s such a compliment, @Bali_Maha. 💕
Sweet. Yes, she will know it fueled you and loving the work and our children need not be at odds with one another.
Sigh. Thank you so much for this @Bali_Maha Shutting off my computer early tonight to go hug my daughters.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s beautiful and reflective