yup. But I really wasn’t angry w u last night as I was writing these… I’ve been angry with you before. Precisely for doing what you’re now saying you shouldn’t do. For not questioning someone else for treating me in colonizing ways. Because that other person, a white person, or at least, a not-me, was trying to explain to me colonialism, from a distance. And when people defended me, you and others supported that person because the others were “bullies”. When, really, that person was bullying ME and the others were white male allies supporting me and defending me against him and protecting others in the group. And when I told you about this privately, that I wasn’t happy with what you did (even though I don’t think you’re a malicious person at all and I love you), you didn’t see it.

This reminds me of when I tell someone I experience sexism or racism and they try to tell me that “no, little girl, you didn’t experience it”. Well no one can tell my story for me. The very least someone else can do is listen when I tell them something is going on. Including you.

And these discussions last night was not that moment. But there are other moments. It’s not enough to be an ally in theory or when you feel like it or when you like what I’m saying. You need to also be an ally when you are complicit. You need to be an ally when I call you on it and when I call others on it. Not because I am always right. But because you always need to try to listen better. And you don’t always listen better. Even when I point out to you that you’re not listening.

That was me recalling a time when I was angry.