Great post, I think you have to remember that what makes us most human is our capacity for change or adaption. The listening, the being open to others’ opinions, that is all a part of the process of change, but it is a part from the actual change which you are striving for. I think good change happens when both the outcome is positive and the process honors the people who are involved in it.
You mention figuring out what your core values are and protecting them. I would suggest you already know what your core values are and that there is no need to worry about protecting them. In fact, I think it is more fruitful to ask; what are the core values of the people whom I am trying to change? If you are busy trying to protect your core values, you will never be able to truly understand the core values of those around you because they will be busy protecting those values from you, just as you are protecting your values from them.