This beautiful post really got me thinking, Maha, about self-care and self-forgiveness.

What are the circumstances under which we can more readily say “I’ll forgive myself this”, and what are the circumstances where we get more stuck? I’m following a line of thought that academic practice undermines our ability to judge our actions on our own terms — to recognise where we didn’t get it right, but not to be undone by guilt.

Is it that we are somehow trained to fear not looking good, not pulling it off? Here I’m thinking about the well-known thing of focusing entirely on the negative evaluation in the pile of generally positive feedback, or the way that Reviewer No 2 who hates the article comes to count much more than Reviewer No 1 who liked it. These aren’t accidents, and I’m not fully convinced by imposter syndrome, as I think it pathologises the individual and excuses the system. What if the issue is that we’re so trained to seek approval, that this then makes it hard to forgive ourselves when we stumble, even if still heading in the right direction?

By the way, I would have reacted as you did. And I’ve certainly said things to and in front of my daughters that don’t fit the model of serene parenting we all keep in our hearts! I would say that your daughter would have seen a familiar sight: you standing up for justice.