Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 23 seconds

Which gender did the spray can assign to the roaches? California roaches are pretty small but the ones we found in Hawaii were about the size of a smart phone and quite exotic looking. We had “potato bugs” in my Grandmother’s rose garden. If Barbie had a scaled to size hairless bull dog the potato bugs would be just right for her to take to the dog show. They came in dark and light tan stripes and looked damp all the time like they were wearing too much moisturizer. I think they fought with snails and avoided slugs. If you put a potato bug down my sister’s blouse she would say things we were not supposed to say (even my uncle agreed on this).