Maha, the thing about walking away or being tough enough to shake it off is that just doesn’t work. It clings to you and won’t let YOU settle down. As an active person who does things in an authentic way I can’t see you chopping off a connection–doesn’t fit the logic of who you are.
Was just reading (over and over) the first two chapters of “Interpersonal Neurobiology” by Daniel J. Siegel on relationships being a flow of energy that we may not be able to turn off. This says to me that we aren’t weird for considering the bully’s situation nor do we seem able to dismiss an established connection when it starts being negative.
I’ve managed to work myself into a bad relationship with my oncologist that needs fixing and I feel strangely obliged to understand where she is coming from even though there appears to be no particular advantage. Why should I care that her behavior hurts me as a patient? There’s lots of other oncologists available to me and she was “assigned” my case by simply being available on the day I came into the clinic. I could just walk away and it would be over.
Maybe the price of knowing people as are so good at comes with the condition that you can’t un-know them without a damaging yourself?