Hesitant too on participation in Rhizo15 (or however it is named). Afraid to be taken for the “establishment” or to fall into defending the process from misinterpretation. Neither resident nor guest roles seem appropriate to the spontaneity I think the space needs. What else to get involved in now is uncertain to me. Until some medical issues are resolved…

Rhetorisity and being changed by the other sounds like some deep stuff. I switched to a Native Plain Cree woman for my psychologist in part because I’ve built up so many counter-arguments to Western-based advice offered by counselors tromping around in my head that I wouldn’t listen. Though she’s Western trained her interpretation feel just a bit unfamiliar as if seen by other eyes and reported in other sensibilities. In an important way I’m defenseless to her suggestions.

This may also be why I prefer Women doctors and specialists. I compete with males. Become aggressive, challenging and very Alpha. Not unhappy with that side of me, gotten me through some bad times but it’s a limited function tool and needs to be kept on a chain. Maybe being changed by the words of males would be that painful possibility for me? Can the familiar be transformative? Letting go of things that don’t work is easy compared to accepting things that seem disagreeable but might be right. This could get dangerous!