Have to read Susan’s post though the term “fool” seems apt. My guess is contradiction rules us. We want control and to be clearly understood but then we love the stimulation of explaining ourselves out of the trouble we get into. At one time I thought being “understood” was vital yet thinking about it I’d rather not be my version of myself in everyone’s head. Being diversely “resolved” is a bit of Mimi Ito’s connected person model I think–part of a larger wholeness, less only a single self.

I’m thinking about this as I venture into more chemo therapy. Being “known” counts to keep the chemo below destroying my heart. The two physical conditions of me. Emotionally I’d like the docs to understand my mistrust isn’t personal but grown of direct experience. Unfortunately, (or not?) I’ve managed to irritate almost everyone with my history-in-their-face and it occurred to me that they have my story wrong based on something I said that may or may not have been misinterpreted. Give that these people were never going to read my medical history why not be understood in many ways?

The incident? Told the assistant oncologist I didn’t trust male South African doctors–5 of them almost let me die. On my record he wrote that I didn’t trust female doctors and especially South African ones. Rather than point out that ALL my medical team are females and the two South African women who are my family doctors have saved my life three times, I’ll stay with how things play out.